Peer Review 1

This is the peer review that I am most proud of. It was hard because Jades draft was perfectly organized but I did my best to try and critique her to her best. I tried my best to help her find the style of her paper.  

Method 2 Peer Review Worksheet

Reviewer: Madeline Ott         Writer: Jade Deschamps

Date: November 13, 2013                                     Page count of draft: 4

1.     Summarize and comment on the clarity of the paper’s thesis/main idea. Before reading further, what two questions, comments, concerns do you have about the thesis?

Your opening paragraph addresses your topic very well. It gives good basic information on Monsanto it the company being a monopoly. Your last sentence clearly states the position you take and the argument you are about to support. Great job your

2.     Remark on the unity of each paragraph and how they develop the thesis (at least 2 examples):

 Each paragraph flows very well. For example from your introduction to your second paragraph I really enjoy how you start with how Monsanto’s patents work. Each paragraph ends with a sentence that the next paragraph picks up on that topic. I really like how this works.

3.     Make a note about the essay’s style (e.g. language, tone, sentence-pattern variation, etc.):

To a reader like myself, your essay is very black and white which isn’t a bad thing at all for an argumentative essay. Your facts and ideas are clearly stated. But for a reader like myself, I lost interest in the paper. It was a bit hard for me to read because it is loaded with info. Like I said this is a good thing! Your argument is presented clearly its just you may want to make it a little bit more personal.  I think incorporating some “illustration” would be a very effective technique. Like we talked about the first peer review try using some testimonies from farmers.

4.     How effective is the paper’s structure? Suggest alternatives:

The papers structure is effective with the position you are holding and your argument. Like I suggested in number 3, maybe add in some testimonies to show the reader how Monsanto has interfered with farmers lifes.

5.     Speculate on the likely audience for this paper:

The audience for this paper is likely to be farmers and people who know of Monsanto.

6.     What are potential flaws in the paper (include grammar and spelling only if these are pervasive)? Propose solutions:

Your paper is so well written out, the only thing I would watch out is possibly loosing the attention of the reader because so many facts are listed. Remember that you can incorporate interviews, testimonies and stories into your paper.

7.     List this paper’s strengths:

What I like about your paper is your argument is stated so clearly with facts that support everything you are saying. This gives a sense of truth to your paper. Even though you aren’t citing any specific book or website I still believe everything you are saying.

8.     How successfully does the paper satisfy the thesis?

I would say the paper clearly satisfies the thesis. And it does it in an organized manner.

9.     Does the essay fulfill the assignment?

Yes, you have an argument that you have clearly addressed and supported.

10.  Final comments:

I struggled to find things that I could tell you might need some attention. You have a great paper, but I think making it a bit more personal you would have a perfect paper.